the medication merry-go-round

[crazyjane]

After being very, very low for the last few weeks, I finally got to see my shrink today. It was a bloody awful experience; I felt like I was letting him down by saying that the medication cocktail I'm currently taking has stopped working. Or rather, it keeps me from cycling up into a manic state, but does nothing to deal with the depression. And I had to tell him that, and felt bad about it. How stupid.

He's decided to put me back on Zoloft, even though it caused a manic episode way back when - in fact, that's how I first got diagnosed as bipolar, when he prescribed Zoloft for the depression. He's pretty sure that the mood stabilisers I also take will counter the tendency to switch up.

Although I almost want to switch up. I can't stand the crushing weight that goes with being in such a bad down cycle, and it doesn't help to be told that it'll end, or that a bit of sunshine or 'doing something nice for myself' will do me good.

I have to wonder, though. What if it's not the meds that are wrong? What if it's me?

Comments

[17catherines]

As to your last line... that's the problem I always have. I mean, yes, I know that depression lies, but it doesn't follow that it is lying about *everything*. And, obviously, if there is anything real to be upset about, depression will batten onto it and make it even worse.

I'm sorry the depression is getting at you. I hope the Zoloft helps.

Be well.

love

Catherine